you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
