i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
