I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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