My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
