it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
