We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize