she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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