walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can't special order awesome
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
