i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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