Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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