He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
