Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
