So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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