if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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