She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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