I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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