I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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