my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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