if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
