Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
