Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
