No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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