you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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