R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
