I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
