ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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