That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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