my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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