is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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