I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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