Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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