I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
