I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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