Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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