I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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