Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
