so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Pooping to opera.
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