p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
