is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
