Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
should my penis look like a turkey
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm getting married
To pizza
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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