it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
