That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
