9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's the barista slut.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
