Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize