kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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