do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
