I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize