i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
