Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize