haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
