Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
