I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
