The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
