I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize