Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
