OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
