WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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