grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
