I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I smell stomach acid.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's just like the Real World with babies
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
