we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Houston, we have a squirter
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
