My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
