I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize