honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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