I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
