Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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