never play flip cup with pint glasses
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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