dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
