So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think i have two assholes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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