I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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