If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
