He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
