Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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