when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
