OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize