hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
