I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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