the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
