i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize