Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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