I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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