the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
