Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
