I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
