Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
