I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my being single is dangerous.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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