I faked an abortion last night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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