She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
