you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
