I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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