I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
