just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
