Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
