Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
