Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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