The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm jealous of your bromance
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
