Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
