I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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