you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
