I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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