cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize