I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
