i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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