You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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