I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize