addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
