craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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